Wedding Planning Blog

It’s the morning of another event Saturday. Early this morning I received a text from my client asking how much she should tip the caterer.

This is a very common question… who should I tip and how much? This is a very subjective question. I know how hard wedding vendors work to ensure a smooth and happy wedding day. I always suggest tipping, particularly if you feel that you received extraordinary service.

Who should you tip? Potentially everyone — Catering managers, servers, banquet captains, bartenders, the bellmen, photographers, videographers, floral designers, wedding planners, entertainers, everyone who works on the event.

How much? That is largely dictated by budget. Even a small tip is appreciated. It shows that you recognize a job well done and an extraordinary effort. I have seen tips of $20.00 to more than $1000.00.

My feeling is that the most important part of the tip is the thank you note. Take time to write a little note to each vendor you know personally to thank them for a job well done.

I’m going to share one of my little secrets with you… I like to give out tips prior to the wedding taking place. Before the reception begins, usually during setup, I take my clients’ tips and thank you notes and hand them out to each vendor privately and tell the vendor that this is a gift from the family in anticipation of a beautiful wedding day. I find that this makes the vendors even more eager to please. I have never had an instance where the family regretted the tip later. If you don’t have a wedding planner to do this, give the job to the best man. Traditionally, it was his duty to hand out gratuities.

So, when it comes to your wedding vendors, think generously… Not just with money, but with praise and thanks. It will go along way to making a spectacular wedding celebration.

Destination Weddings seems to be a topic on everyone’s minds. We at Just Marry! have seen a big increase in destination weddings here in Orlando and outbound as well.

A college student writing an article for Boston University just contacted me to ask me questions about the pros and cons of planning a destination wedding. As soon as the article comes out, I will link to it. Anyway, one of her questions was, is a destination wedding less or more expensive than a traditional wedding.

That is an interesting question!

My associate Aimee Bressler handles most of our inbound Orlando destination weddings. Her brides typically have fifty guests or fewer. Many of her clients say that they decided to do a destination wedding specifically so they don’t have to invite 250 guests to attend. Some of them do it for budgetary reasons, others do it because they don’t want to be “on stage” on their wedding day.

Aimee’s clients typically spend between $3000.00 and $12,000.00 on their entire wedding. That certainly seems like a big savings over an in-town traditional wedding.

Michele Butler and I typically handle the outbound destination weddings and the large in-bound destination weddings. Our clients for outbound weddings typically have ten to 100 guests and spend starting at $40,000.00. That’s a lot of money for ten people! The reason these couples do it, usually has something to do with sentimentality. They want to be married in a place that is very special to them and they want to share that place with their guests.

Our inbound destination weddings spend anywhere from $40,000.00 to $150,000.00 or more. These weddings typically have 150 guests or more. These couples usually say they marry here because the guests live all over the country, or all over the world, and they wanted to have their wedding in a location that was easy to travel to and had lots of things for their guests to do.

So, can you save money planning a destination wedding? Absolutely, but you have to plan carefully!

I was doing my final planning meeting with one of my brides last week. At this meeting we plan our schedule of events; setup, breakdown, first dance, last dance, dinner service, bouquet toss and cake cutting time. This particular bride wanted to cut the cake late in the evening in hopes of keeping her wedding guests from leaving early. Once-upon-a-time the cake cutting served as a signal to guests who wanted to make a hasty exit, that they would not be gauche by leaving the reception.

As with most wedding etiquette, changes in times have brought changes with this tradition. One of my brides wanted her cake to have a very prominent position in the wedding reception (The couple had spent about $4000.00 on the cake. I would want it noticed too!) Rather than performing the first dance after being introduced, the couple walked to the center of the dance floor where their beautiful cake stood on a rolling table (they wanted it there so no one would miss it). Accompanied by great fanfare from the band, the couple cut the cake and fed it to each other. The servers dramatically whisked it off to the back of the house. After dinner, the sliced cake was served to the guests on beautifully decorated plates — a presentation that was only possible because we cut the cake early.

Another one of my brides wanted to make sure she had a great dance party. (You can see her photos here and her wedding story here) As soon as dinner service was over, the bride and groom cut the cake (about an hour and a half into the reception) then they led the guests upstairs to the pool deck where the dj was playing great dance music, a cigar roller was rolling cigars and a desert presentation was displayed with cookies and… the wedding cake. How did we get the cake plated and upstairs so quickly? The wedding cake on display at dinner was a dummy cake with a small corner cut out with real cake so the bride and groom could feed each other. The dessert cake was in the kitchen ready to be placed on display upstairs.

Sometimes the tradition is changed out of necessity. A few years ago one of my brides wanted a cake with white chocolate ribbons all over it. I reminded her that her wedding was in July… she still wanted that cake. I reminded her that her wedding was outside… still wanted that cake. I reminded her that we live in Central Florida! She had to have that cake. The caterer and I held off in putting the cake out on display as long as we could. Sure enough, the second the chocolate met with the July humidity, it began to sweat. Shortly thereafter, the beautiful white chocolate ribbons began to slide. The entire cake started shifting. It looked like a tire with a slow leak. We quickly had the bride and groom cut the cake and we carried it to the back of the house just in time for it to completely slide apart. Fortunately, we had servers with quick reflexes. None of the cake hit the floor and as each piece was plated, we reshaped the chocolate on top.

So back to my bride from last week… I suggested that rather than holding her guests hostage by postponing the cake cutting, that she put the cake cutting where tradition has always had it, after dinner. This will allow any guest that wants to leave to gracefully make an exit. For those who want to stay and party, they can have a yummy sugar boost prior to getting their dance on!

It isn’t often that I toot my own horn, but I was so honored and excited to see this write-up by Jean Patteson, Fashion Editor at the Orlando Sentinel. I hope you will indulge me by allowing me to share these kudos with you.

Question: My stepdaughter will be married in September and has asked me to work with her on planning the wedding. I feel honored, of course, but also terrified. I have no idea where to begin — and she doesn’t either. Can you help?

Answer: There are loads of wedding how-to books, but reading is a solitary business. A wedding-planning DVD, on the other hand, is something you and your step-daughter can watch together, pausing whenever you want to discuss a point or make notes. And if there are tips and ideas you’d like to share with the groom and/or father-of-the-bride, all you need do is hit “rewind” and “play.”

Believe me, it is easier to get most men to watch a DVD than read a bridal magazine.

One of the best DVDs I’ve viewed is JustMarry!: Wedding Planning Secrets by Orlando wedding planner Susan Southerland. She covers everything from selecting a gown, invitations and venue, to working with vendors — photographers, musicians, bakers, caterers and more. Packed with no-nonsense tips for saving time, money and stress, the DVD is aimed at both do-it-yourself brides and those working with professional planners.

Southerland, a 20-year veteran of the wedding-planning and travel industries, and a member of the Association of Bridal Consultants, is founder and president of Just Marry! She has helped plan more than 5,000 weddings and appeared on the Style Network’s Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? and The Learning Channel’s Wedding Story.

The 68-minute DVD costs $29.95, and can be ordered at justmarry.com.

Jean Patteson

I was watching The Early Show while getting ready for work today. Laura and Jenna Bush were on promoting a children’s book they co-authored. The last few minutes of the interview, Mrs. Bush was asked what she hopes for her daughter on her wedding day. I was putting on mascara while she was speaking, so I have to paraphrase what she said… In essence, Mrs. Bush’s hope for Jenna is that she is able to relax and enjoy every minute of the wedding day. The day goes by so quickly and it is easy to forget special moments that take place.

That is the most wonderful sentiment from a mother to a daughter on her wedding day.

I encourage brides to not obsess over every last detail of their weddings. Once the big day comes around, it is crucial to just let everything unfold. The wedding day is not the time to worry about flowers being slightly off color, or linens being wrinkled. It is important to let all of that go so that you can enjoy and remember every special moment.

Looking back on my own wedding, the things I remember most have to do with the people who were there. Some of them are no longer on this earth, some have lost touch, others, I speak with regularly. I cherish the memory of all of them dancing, laughing and enjoying themselves. I must confess, I was very unhappy with my flowers that day, but I didn’t let it bother me. My photographer even commented to me that he had never seen a bride enjoy herself more on her wedding day.

That was very true… I didn’t want it to end. I enjoyed every second.

Keep that in mind as you approach your wedding day. Things will go wrong… No matter how careful you are, no matter how much planning you do, something will happen. The key to enjoying your wedding day is not with having a perfect wedding, its in how you handle the things that come up.

Just keep a sense of humor and keep dancing!

Happy Earth Day!

The most appropriate post today would be tips on how to plan a green wedding. It is a trend that is picking up steam. Planning an entirely green wedding is still quite a challenge, but everyone can incorporate some eco-friendly aspects on the big day.

1. Don’t print out all of your correspondence. I encourage keeping every email so that you have an ongoing record of your wedding plans, but it isn’t necessary to print each and every note. I keep most of my notes in my computer. I have recently started using software called Microsoft One Note. It keeps me organized just like a looseleaf binder with tabs, but I don’t have to print everything out. Think about the trees you will save, not to mention the ink that you won’t use. Another great side affect, no heavy binder to carry around!

2. Send an electronic save-the-date rather than an paper one. Once again, you will save on paper and toxic ink AND you will save money on postage.

3. Serve filtered tap water on the bar. In 2003, approximately 40 million plastic water bottles were thrown in the trash. Since Americans are consuming bottle water at a rapidly growing rate, I cannot imagine what we are throwing out today. Give our landfills a break, ask your reception site to put filtered tap water in pretty pitchers on the bar rather than using plastic bottles.

4. Hire an eco-friendly photographer. Here in Orlando, John Unrue, is leading the path to “greener” weddings. Check out his site at www.ecogreenphotography.com/. He started by doing online proofing and now has pod crunches and other paperless options.

5. Buy local. Transportation emissions have a huge impact on the environment. By using locally grown food and flowers, you can avoid pollution that comes from transporting items cross-country.

6. Encourage guests who travel to purchase carbon credits. You and your guests can go to a website like www.terrapass.com/ to calculate how much your car or plane travel impacts the environment. The website will then calculate a dollar amount which can be donated to environmentally-friendly causes. The site can even help you calculate your wedding’s carbon footprint. Go to www.terrapass.com/wedding/weddingcalc.php

7. Give away eco-friendly favors to your guests. Donate to a charity on their behalf, or plant trees in honor of the wedding. If you want something more tangible, give away saplings or seeds for your guests to plant at home.

8. Rather than printing menu cards or signs, use digital photo frames to get your message across.

9. Weddings have a lot of waste. Check and see if your florist, caterer or reception site has a composting program, or see if you may donate leftover flowers and food to nursing homes, hospitals or food banks.

10. Plan carefully. It will save you money and reduce waste if you are accurate on your guest counts. With a plated meal, you will have exactly the amount of food you need (so you won’t overpay) and with an accurate table count, you won’t have extra floral waste.

Going green doesn’t have to be difficult. In some ways, it may save you some money. A grand celebration like a wedding is a wonderful opportunity to show your family and friends your commitment to the environment. You may even create a few new beleivers!

This has been a busy news week! In response to one of my blogs, I received an email from the WE Network regarding a new television show starring David Tutera. Here is what it said:

LET CELEBRITY WEDDING PLANNER DAVID TUTERA ENHANCE YOUR WEDDING ON WE TV!
Making your dream wedding a reality can be almost impossible. And if you or someone you know is getting married THIS SUMMER, then there’s very little time left to make that dream come true. That’s why “My Fair Wedding,” the newest lifestyle show from the Women’s Entertainment Network, is offering a few lucky brides a chance to have celebrity wedding planner David Tutera ENHANCE and UPGRADE their weddings before it’s too late!

In 2006, Modern Bride Magazine honored David as one of the Top 25 Trendsetters of The Year. With a few thousand dollars and his extensive knowledge and skill, David Tutera can bring some last-minute elegance to your fast-approaching nuptials.

If you or someone you know has spent months planning that dream wedding, and something STILL isn’t quite right, contact our producers TODAY! Email Wedding@pilgrimfilms.tv with the wedding date, a picture of the bride and why she needs David’s help!

***Weddings should take place within an hour of New York City in July or August, 2008!***

Good luck! Please let me know if one of you gets picked.

Today I took over a client from one of the other planners in my company. This unfortunately happens from time-to-time when there is turnover.

Turnover is a frequent occurrence in the event industry; people get promoted or change companies. Unfortunately, this particular bride has had to deal with being passed from one person to another a few times during her planning process. My staff went through two changes and her catering manager also changed jobs and she was given to another manager there.

When I spoke with her mom today, she wasn’t very happy. She was worried that everything she and her daughter had planned was being diluted by being passed among so many people. I assured her that I had everyone’s notes and that all would be just fine. She was further comforted by the fact that as the owner of the company, I wasn’t going anywhere!

Change most certainly happens during the wedding planning process. How are you to survive and not go insane (or worse, turn into Bridezilla)? Here are some tips:

1. Keep good notes. This is why I LOVE email. My planners keep all the correspondence they have between the vendors and the bride so that if something were to happen, someone else could easily step in and take over.

2. Keep in constant contact with your vendors. If something changes at the company, you will be among the first to know. This doesn’t mean call every week, but send an email every once and a while letting them know how your planning is coming along. Your pleasant email will keep you at the top of your vendors’ minds.

3. Express your frustration (if you have any) with the change, then let it go. This presumes that the company with whom you are working has hired a competent replacement for the person who left. If you aren’t happy with the replacement, talk with her first. Let her know your concerns. If your concerns are still not addressed, calmly speak to her superior. Make sure you can specifically address how your needs aren’t being met.

4. Set up a face-to-face meeting with the replacement. This is an excellent time to get to know her and to make sure she has all the details that her predecessor had.

Change is really difficult, especially with something as detailed and emotional as planning a wedding. I know that my clients get very attached to me. (The reverse is true as well.) Just understand that people move on in every business. If your vendors are professional, they will help you through the change.

Planning a wedding is no easy task. The months leading up to your big day are going to be filled with excitement, emotions and big spending. The best way to make sure you don’t start your new marriage horribly in debt is to determine what you can spend and how you are going to spend it. Below are my top five secrets that will help you create a meaningful budget and stick to it.

1. Create an accurate guest list. Your biggest expenses, like your food and beverage bill, linens and centerpieces will be greatly influenced by your guest count. That makes the guest list the single most important variable in your budget. Whether you do it by spreadsheet or index cards, before you do anything else, decide how many people you will invite and how many will actually attend.

2. Determine what is most important to you. Typically I find that the food and beverage bill accounts for nearly half of a wedding’s overall budget. So, if you are going to spend $30,000 on your overall wedding, figure $15,000 of that will go to feeding your guests. That leaves you with only $15,000 to spend on everything else. You will be surprised how fast that money goes. You must determine the items that are most important to you. Do you want an extraordinary gown? You may have to cut back on the flowers. Do you want a 10-piece band? You may have to cut back on the photographer.

3. Don’t forget extra fees. In Orlando, most hotels and restaurants charge a 22 percent service fee and then tax on top of this. On a $10,000 food and beverage bill, that adds almost $3,000.00 in fees. You can also expect chef attendant fees if you do action stations. Some locations also charge cake cutting fees if you don’t purchase the cake from them. These fees can really add up. Don’t forget to plan for them.

4. Once you know what you can spend on each service, share that with the vendors you meet. Hopefully all the wedding professionals that you interview are, well, professional. If they are, they won’t hesitate to help you figure out how to get the most for your dollar. If you have $800.00 to spend on a wedding gown, tell the salon that’s all you have to spend. They will show you beautiful gowns that you can afford rather than tempting you with something out of range.

5. Set up a wedding bank account or debit card. This will keep you from digging into your savings or going into credit card debt. Also, if you have people helping you pay for your wedding, you can have them contribute directly to the account. This will help you avoid the pain of calling that person every five minutes when you need financial help. It also will make that person less likely to give you unsolicited advice with every decision you make.

Following these five easy tips will make shopping for your wedding a much more pleasant experience AND you won’t return from your honeymoon with a big case of shopper’s remorse. More great tips for planning the wedding of your dreams can be found are on my new dvd, Susan Southerland’s Just Marry! Wedding Planning Secrets, available on justmarry.com or amazon.com. All those who purchase a DVD receive free access to all my favorite forms.