I was doing my final planning meeting with one of my brides last week. At this meeting we plan our schedule of events; setup, breakdown, first dance, last dance, dinner service, bouquet toss and cake cutting time. This particular bride wanted to cut the cake late in the evening in hopes of keeping her wedding guests from leaving early. Once-upon-a-time the cake cutting served as a signal to guests who wanted to make a hasty exit, that they would not be gauche by leaving the reception.

As with most wedding etiquette, changes in times have brought changes with this tradition. One of my brides wanted her cake to have a very prominent position in the wedding reception (The couple had spent about $4000.00 on the cake. I would want it noticed too!) Rather than performing the first dance after being introduced, the couple walked to the center of the dance floor where their beautiful cake stood on a rolling table (they wanted it there so no one would miss it). Accompanied by great fanfare from the band, the couple cut the cake and fed it to each other. The servers dramatically whisked it off to the back of the house. After dinner, the sliced cake was served to the guests on beautifully decorated plates — a presentation that was only possible because we cut the cake early.

Another one of my brides wanted to make sure she had a great dance party. (You can see her photos here and her wedding story here) As soon as dinner service was over, the bride and groom cut the cake (about an hour and a half into the reception) then they led the guests upstairs to the pool deck where the dj was playing great dance music, a cigar roller was rolling cigars and a desert presentation was displayed with cookies and… the wedding cake. How did we get the cake plated and upstairs so quickly? The wedding cake on display at dinner was a dummy cake with a small corner cut out with real cake so the bride and groom could feed each other. The dessert cake was in the kitchen ready to be placed on display upstairs.

Sometimes the tradition is changed out of necessity. A few years ago one of my brides wanted a cake with white chocolate ribbons all over it. I reminded her that her wedding was in July… she still wanted that cake. I reminded her that her wedding was outside… still wanted that cake. I reminded her that we live in Central Florida! She had to have that cake. The caterer and I held off in putting the cake out on display as long as we could. Sure enough, the second the chocolate met with the July humidity, it began to sweat. Shortly thereafter, the beautiful white chocolate ribbons began to slide. The entire cake started shifting. It looked like a tire with a slow leak. We quickly had the bride and groom cut the cake and we carried it to the back of the house just in time for it to completely slide apart. Fortunately, we had servers with quick reflexes. None of the cake hit the floor and as each piece was plated, we reshaped the chocolate on top.

So back to my bride from last week… I suggested that rather than holding her guests hostage by postponing the cake cutting, that she put the cake cutting where tradition has always had it, after dinner. This will allow any guest that wants to leave to gracefully make an exit. For those who want to stay and party, they can have a yummy sugar boost prior to getting their dance on!

It isn’t often that I toot my own horn, but I was so honored and excited to see this write-up by Jean Patteson, Fashion Editor at the Orlando Sentinel. I hope you will indulge me by allowing me to share these kudos with you.

Question: My stepdaughter will be married in September and has asked me to work with her on planning the wedding. I feel honored, of course, but also terrified. I have no idea where to begin — and she doesn’t either. Can you help?

Answer: There are loads of wedding how-to books, but reading is a solitary business. A wedding-planning DVD, on the other hand, is something you and your step-daughter can watch together, pausing whenever you want to discuss a point or make notes. And if there are tips and ideas you’d like to share with the groom and/or father-of-the-bride, all you need do is hit “rewind” and “play.”

Believe me, it is easier to get most men to watch a DVD than read a bridal magazine.

One of the best DVDs I’ve viewed is JustMarry!: Wedding Planning Secrets by Orlando wedding planner Susan Southerland. She covers everything from selecting a gown, invitations and venue, to working with vendors — photographers, musicians, bakers, caterers and more. Packed with no-nonsense tips for saving time, money and stress, the DVD is aimed at both do-it-yourself brides and those working with professional planners.

Southerland, a 20-year veteran of the wedding-planning and travel industries, and a member of the Association of Bridal Consultants, is founder and president of Just Marry! She has helped plan more than 5,000 weddings and appeared on the Style Network’s Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? and The Learning Channel’s Wedding Story.

The 68-minute DVD costs $29.95, and can be ordered at justmarry.com.

Jean Patteson

I was watching The Early Show while getting ready for work today. Laura and Jenna Bush were on promoting a children’s book they co-authored. The last few minutes of the interview, Mrs. Bush was asked what she hopes for her daughter on her wedding day. I was putting on mascara while she was speaking, so I have to paraphrase what she said… In essence, Mrs. Bush’s hope for Jenna is that she is able to relax and enjoy every minute of the wedding day. The day goes by so quickly and it is easy to forget special moments that take place.

That is the most wonderful sentiment from a mother to a daughter on her wedding day.

I encourage brides to not obsess over every last detail of their weddings. Once the big day comes around, it is crucial to just let everything unfold. The wedding day is not the time to worry about flowers being slightly off color, or linens being wrinkled. It is important to let all of that go so that you can enjoy and remember every special moment.

Looking back on my own wedding, the things I remember most have to do with the people who were there. Some of them are no longer on this earth, some have lost touch, others, I speak with regularly. I cherish the memory of all of them dancing, laughing and enjoying themselves. I must confess, I was very unhappy with my flowers that day, but I didn’t let it bother me. My photographer even commented to me that he had never seen a bride enjoy herself more on her wedding day.

That was very true… I didn’t want it to end. I enjoyed every second.

Keep that in mind as you approach your wedding day. Things will go wrong… No matter how careful you are, no matter how much planning you do, something will happen. The key to enjoying your wedding day is not with having a perfect wedding, its in how you handle the things that come up.

Just keep a sense of humor and keep dancing!