Jody, from Vineland, NJ, sent me the following email:

I have a “touchy issue” wedding question for you: How do I get my fiance to ask his parents if they will contribute financially to our wedding and what costs they would be willing to pick up? We’ve been engaged since Valentine’s Day of this year and are getting married next September 5th. During this entire time, my fiance’s parents have not made any offers to pay for anything. Granted, this will be my fiance’s second marriage and they are only inviting 22 guests while my parents and I are inviting 128. But they are retired and financially comfortable while my parents work and struggle to make a living. I don’t feel like they “owe” us anything, but it would be nice if they offered to contribute in some way. My fiance doesn’t want to ask, and my parents and I are not comfortable asking either. My fiance says the topic may come up naturally when the parents meet for the first time in October. What, if any thing, should I do? Any advice you can give me on this topic would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Here was my reply:

Hi Jody,

Thank you very much for your email. This is, indeed a tricky subject.

Monetary contributions to a wedding can be a very tricky subject. It definitely is something that your fiancé should approach his parents with. It might not be taken well coming from you or your parents. You may want to take a proactive approach by creating your wedding budget and sharing it with your fiance’s parents. He might then say we are finding that we have a cash shortfall of xx dollars, would you be willing to contribute?

You should be prepared in case the answer is no. They are under no obligation to contribute to the wedding expenses, especially since it is his second one. You may have to rearrange your budget so that you can afford the wedding without the extra cash.

Traditionally, the groom and his parents paid for the following wedding expenses:

• The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring.
• The groom’s attire
• The marriage license
• Accommodations (if required) for immediate family, groomsmen, and officiant.
• A gift from the groom to the bride.
• Gifts from the groom to the groomsmen.
• A gift from the groom’s family to the couple. (If the groom’s family contributes to wedding expenses, often they will not purchase a separate gift.)
• Bride’s bouquet, mother and grandmother corsages, boutonnieres for the groom, groomsmen, ring bearers, and family members.
• The honeymoon expenses.
• Transportation for the groom and best man.
• The fee for the Officiant.
• The rehearsal dinner.
• Accessories for the groomsmen’s attire.
• The groomsmen’s dinner, if the groom chooses to have one.

I hope this is helpful. I am going to post your question on my blog to see if anyone else has any other useful advice. Keep watching the blog for more answers.

All the best,

Susan

If you have questions on this or any other wedding related topic, please post for me here or send me an email to susan.southerland@pwg.com. Also become a fan on Facebook by clicking here and follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

Your partner in perfect planning,

Susan

This was the question one of my lovely mothers of the bride posed to me yesterday. The story is, her hairstylist has been doing her hair for six years and the bride’s hair for five years. The hairstylist is traveling two hours to do the bride’s hair on the wedding day. Just to make sure that she isn’t late, she is going to stay overnight at the wedding location. For this family, the cost of the additional wedding guest isn’t as much of an issue as wondering whether or not the hairstylist would be comfortable with attending the wedding.

Please keep in mind that this is a personal decision, but my advice was that rather than invite her to the wedding where she wouldn’t know any of the guests, I suggested that the family pick up the hairstylist’s hotel room costs for the night. This would allow the hairstylist to spend a fun day and evening at a beautiful resort and she wouldn’t feel obligated to attend a wedding where she wouldn’t know anyone.

I have had couples invite the hairstylist to the wedding before. Typically they also invited a guest of the hairstylist to attend as well so she wouldn’t feel alone.

I would love to get your opinion. Wedding vendors, how do you feel about being invited to your clients’ weddings? Brides, have you considered inviting your vendors to your wedding?

If you have questions on this or any other wedding related topic, please post for me here or send me an email to susan.southerland@pwg.com. Also become a fan on Facebook by clicking here and follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

Your partner in perfect planning,
Susan

No Real Wedding Wednesday today. My poor photographers need to catch up with getting me images and I am awaiting interviews from my brides. However, I do have a fun photograph to share.

A couple of weeks ago I went to Indianapolis to speak to a group of wedding professional. My plane was delayed thanks to horrible thunderstorms in Indianapolis. By the time I arrived at the hotel, it was too late for dinner, so I ordered blueberry pie and ice cream from room service. The presentation was adorable!

Please forgive the quality of the photo. It was taken by me and my iPhone. When I saw this, I thought it would make a fantastic presentation for a wedding reception. Many locations that I work with have the elongated plates. The milk could be placed in a small juice glass and the pie could be presented on a dessert plate.

If you decide to serve a cleverly presented dessert, please email me photos and tell me all about it!

If you have questions on this or any other wedding related topic, please post for me here or send me an email to susan.southerland@pwg.com. Also become a fan on Facebook by clicking here and follow me on Twitter by clicking here.

Your partner in perfect planning,
Susan