Jody, from Vineland, NJ, sent me the following email:
I have a “touchy issue” wedding question for you: How do I get my fiance to ask his parents if they will contribute financially to our wedding and what costs they would be willing to pick up? We’ve been engaged since Valentine’s Day of this year and are getting married next September 5th. During this entire time, my fiance’s parents have not made any offers to pay for anything. Granted, this will be my fiance’s second marriage and they are only inviting 22 guests while my parents and I are inviting 128. But they are retired and financially comfortable while my parents work and struggle to make a living. I don’t feel like they “owe” us anything, but it would be nice if they offered to contribute in some way. My fiance doesn’t want to ask, and my parents and I are not comfortable asking either. My fiance says the topic may come up naturally when the parents meet for the first time in October. What, if any thing, should I do? Any advice you can give me on this topic would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Here was my reply:
Hi Jody,
Thank you very much for your email. This is, indeed a tricky subject.
Monetary contributions to a wedding can be a very tricky subject. It definitely is something that your fiancé should approach his parents with. It might not be taken well coming from you or your parents. You may want to take a proactive approach by creating your wedding budget and sharing it with your fiance’s parents. He might then say we are finding that we have a cash shortfall of xx dollars, would you be willing to contribute?
You should be prepared in case the answer is no. They are under no obligation to contribute to the wedding expenses, especially since it is his second one. You may have to rearrange your budget so that you can afford the wedding without the extra cash.
Traditionally, the groom and his parents paid for the following wedding expenses:
- The bride’s engagement ring and wedding ring.
- The groom’s attire
- The marriage license
- Accommodations (if required) for immediate family, groomsmen, and officiant.
- A gift from the groom to the bride.
- Gifts from the groom to the groomsmen.
- A gift from the groom’s family to the couple. (If the groom’s family contributes to wedding expenses, often they will not purchase a separate gift.)
- Bride’s bouquet, mother and grandmother corsages, boutonnieres for the groom, groomsmen, ring bearers, and family members.
- The honeymoon expenses.
- Transportation for the groom and best man.
- The fee for the Officiant.
- The rehearsal dinner.
- Accessories for the groomsmen’s attire.
- The groomsmen’s dinner, if the groom chooses to have one.
I hope this is helpful. I am going to post your question on my blog to see if anyone else has any other useful advice. Keep watching the blog for more answers.
All the best,
Susan
If you have questions on this or any other wedding related topic, please post for me here or send me an email to susan.southerland@pwg.com. Also become a fan on Facebook by clicking here and follow me on Twitter by clicking here.
Your partner in perfect planning,
Susan
