Wedding Planning Blog

It’s the morning of another event Saturday. Early this morning I received a text from my client asking how much she should tip the caterer.

This is a very common question… who should I tip and how much? This is a very subjective question. I know how hard wedding vendors work to ensure a smooth and happy wedding day. I always suggest tipping, particularly if you feel that you received extraordinary service.

Who should you tip? Potentially everyone — Catering managers, servers, banquet captains, bartenders, the bellmen, photographers, videographers, floral designers, wedding planners, entertainers, everyone who works on the event.

How much? That is largely dictated by budget. Even a small tip is appreciated. It shows that you recognize a job well done and an extraordinary effort. I have seen tips of $20.00 to more than $1000.00.

My feeling is that the most important part of the tip is the thank you note. Take time to write a little note to each vendor you know personally to thank them for a job well done.

I’m going to share one of my little secrets with you… I like to give out tips prior to the wedding taking place. Before the reception begins, usually during setup, I take my clients’ tips and thank you notes and hand them out to each vendor privately and tell the vendor that this is a gift from the family in anticipation of a beautiful wedding day. I find that this makes the vendors even more eager to please. I have never had an instance where the family regretted the tip later. If you don’t have a wedding planner to do this, give the job to the best man. Traditionally, it was his duty to hand out gratuities.

So, when it comes to your wedding vendors, think generously… Not just with money, but with praise and thanks. It will go along way to making a spectacular wedding celebration.

I was doing my final planning meeting with one of my brides last week. At this meeting we plan our schedule of events; setup, breakdown, first dance, last dance, dinner service, bouquet toss and cake cutting time. This particular bride wanted to cut the cake late in the evening in hopes of keeping her wedding guests from leaving early. Once-upon-a-time the cake cutting served as a signal to guests who wanted to make a hasty exit, that they would not be gauche by leaving the reception.

As with most wedding etiquette, changes in times have brought changes with this tradition. One of my brides wanted her cake to have a very prominent position in the wedding reception (The couple had spent about $4000.00 on the cake. I would want it noticed too!) Rather than performing the first dance after being introduced, the couple walked to the center of the dance floor where their beautiful cake stood on a rolling table (they wanted it there so no one would miss it). Accompanied by great fanfare from the band, the couple cut the cake and fed it to each other. The servers dramatically whisked it off to the back of the house. After dinner, the sliced cake was served to the guests on beautifully decorated plates — a presentation that was only possible because we cut the cake early.

Another one of my brides wanted to make sure she had a great dance party. (You can see her photos here and her wedding story here) As soon as dinner service was over, the bride and groom cut the cake (about an hour and a half into the reception) then they led the guests upstairs to the pool deck where the dj was playing great dance music, a cigar roller was rolling cigars and a desert presentation was displayed with cookies and… the wedding cake. How did we get the cake plated and upstairs so quickly? The wedding cake on display at dinner was a dummy cake with a small corner cut out with real cake so the bride and groom could feed each other. The dessert cake was in the kitchen ready to be placed on display upstairs.

Sometimes the tradition is changed out of necessity. A few years ago one of my brides wanted a cake with white chocolate ribbons all over it. I reminded her that her wedding was in July… she still wanted that cake. I reminded her that her wedding was outside… still wanted that cake. I reminded her that we live in Central Florida! She had to have that cake. The caterer and I held off in putting the cake out on display as long as we could. Sure enough, the second the chocolate met with the July humidity, it began to sweat. Shortly thereafter, the beautiful white chocolate ribbons began to slide. The entire cake started shifting. It looked like a tire with a slow leak. We quickly had the bride and groom cut the cake and we carried it to the back of the house just in time for it to completely slide apart. Fortunately, we had servers with quick reflexes. None of the cake hit the floor and as each piece was plated, we reshaped the chocolate on top.

So back to my bride from last week… I suggested that rather than holding her guests hostage by postponing the cake cutting, that she put the cake cutting where tradition has always had it, after dinner. This will allow any guest that wants to leave to gracefully make an exit. For those who want to stay and party, they can have a yummy sugar boost prior to getting their dance on!

Today I took over a client from one of the other planners in my company. This unfortunately happens from time-to-time when there is turnover.

Turnover is a frequent occurrence in the event industry; people get promoted or change companies. Unfortunately, this particular bride has had to deal with being passed from one person to another a few times during her planning process. My staff went through two changes and her catering manager also changed jobs and she was given to another manager there.

When I spoke with her mom today, she wasn’t very happy. She was worried that everything she and her daughter had planned was being diluted by being passed among so many people. I assured her that I had everyone’s notes and that all would be just fine. She was further comforted by the fact that as the owner of the company, I wasn’t going anywhere!

Change most certainly happens during the wedding planning process. How are you to survive and not go insane (or worse, turn into Bridezilla)? Here are some tips:

1. Keep good notes. This is why I LOVE email. My planners keep all the correspondence they have between the vendors and the bride so that if something were to happen, someone else could easily step in and take over.

2. Keep in constant contact with your vendors. If something changes at the company, you will be among the first to know. This doesn’t mean call every week, but send an email every once and a while letting them know how your planning is coming along. Your pleasant email will keep you at the top of your vendors’ minds.

3. Express your frustration (if you have any) with the change, then let it go. This presumes that the company with whom you are working has hired a competent replacement for the person who left. If you aren’t happy with the replacement, talk with her first. Let her know your concerns. If your concerns are still not addressed, calmly speak to her superior. Make sure you can specifically address how your needs aren’t being met.

4. Set up a face-to-face meeting with the replacement. This is an excellent time to get to know her and to make sure she has all the details that her predecessor had.

Change is really difficult, especially with something as detailed and emotional as planning a wedding. I know that my clients get very attached to me. (The reverse is true as well.) Just understand that people move on in every business. If your vendors are professional, they will help you through the change.

I love my job! Each and every day I am grateful for my clients and my associates. My career has taken me around the country and around the world. I have met hundreds, maybe thousands of wedding professionals — some very famous that you would recognize and others who just humbly run their small business every day. From photographers and videographers to catering managers and other wedding planners, they are wonderful people who dedicate their careers to create a beautiful, memorable day for couples and their families.

I remember one incident very fondly that happened several years ago. I was at an Association of Bridal Consultants convention in San Diego. Colin Cowie was our keynote speaker. He was open and warm and shared many of his tips and secrets to his success. Some of those tips I put into my day to day business routine, others were so meaningful to me that they wove themselves into my business philosophy. He also spent quite a bit of time chatting with us “up and comers,” never rolling an eye or acting impatient. He mentioned again and again how important his team was. That no wedding day succeeded on the shoulders of one vendor. I was amazed that someone with such a high profile had such a team philosophy. I have never forgotten that.

I found that philosophy to be prevalent among the other famous wedding planners whom I have met; Preston Bailey, Mindy Weiss, David Tutera, Sasha Souza, Marci Bloom — none of whom acted as self-anointed Gods of the wedding industry. All gave credit to their team and their vendors.

It is that type of mentality that you should look for when seeking a wedding vendor. Those planners, photographers, videographers, etc. who are truly great, know they can’t do it alone. We can only succeed as one group working to make your wedding day amazing.

So my advice for today, if you are shopping for a vendor and you hear a great deal of “me, me, me,” run for the door. There are many brilliant, talented wedding professionals who have carved out an entire career focused on “you, you, you.” Seek them out. You will be delighted with the result.

I recently saw a post by a bride lamenting that her mother-in-law was interfering with the wedding plans. Essentially, the MIL was concerned that not enough of the wedding planning was completed, even though the wedding is more than a year away. Honestly, this bride has more done than I would expect since she has so much time ahead of her.

Oftentimes moms interfere because they are worried about the impression that their friends will have of the event. Most of us think of the wedding as being for the bride and groom, but for some parents, it is a sign of affluence or accomplishment.

This situation has to be handled with great care. After all, you have to live with your mother-in-law long after the wedding takes place. Even if you get annoyed, think of ways to alleviate her fears. Create a time line of when you plan on accomplishing things. Show her a checklist to follow so she can mark off things when they are completed. Try to take some of her suggestions and concerns under consideration.

A little extra time and courtesy can make a big difference in your future relationship. Don’t let her walk all over you, but let her know her opinion means something to you. You may have to gently remind her that its your wedding, but a little kindness will go a long way.

Hi All,

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I share my secrets for choosing colors, creating a reasonable budget, dealing with vendors and organizing the day. Check out the website for more information.

I will be at the Perfect Wedding Guide wedding show on Sunday at the Buena Vista Palace. If you are in Orlando, come see me. I am looking forward to discussing your wedding plans with you and on my table, is my Ten Inspirational Ideas for an Out of the Ordinary Wedding idea list, to assist you in planning a memorable wedding!

I hope to see you there!

I socialize with a lot of vendors in the wedding industry. It is fun to be with people who can identify with the challenges and excitement of working with couples on the most significant party of their lives to date. We all get a chuckle over the funny stories… the drunken toasts, the crazy late night dancing.

When we chat about serious business, we often turn to who our best wedding clients are. Who are the couples we enjoy working with the most? Who are the clients who we love to give 120%. I think you might be surprised on what wedding vendors think. Here are ten tips to being the wedding client ever. I promise if you follow even a few of these, you will have your vendors bending over backwards to exceed your expectations on your wedding day.

1. Be honest with your vendors. We love to please our clients. We know that not every single one of them can afford an over-the-top wedding. We love working with all kinds of couples. Most vendors have various levels of service. One is apt to fit within your spending parameters. If you go into your initial meeting with a clear idea of what you can spend, the professional vendor will give you recommendations on how to get the most for your money… even if it means referring you to a trusted colleague.

2. If you interview multiple vendors in a certain category, for example three photographers, once you hire one, let the other ones know that you made a decision to go with someone else. Most wedding vendors have small businesses. If they continue to hold a date for you, they will not have the opportunity to book another wedding client. Allowing a vendor to release your date is just a courteous thing to do. Most of us know and like each other. We will just be happy that you have hired a quality vendor who fits your style.

3. Respect the vendors’ professionalism. You do not have to take every bit of advice that a vendor gives you, but if you allow him to do his job without micromanaging him, you will get a superior product. If your florist advises you that something you chose will not be good on the wedding day, you may certainly ask questions to understand the situation, but take his advice. Remember he has done hundreds and hundreds of weddings. You chose him because you like his work, trust him to give you a product you will love!

4. Keep your vendors informed. You do not need to give him a weekly phone call or a bi-weekly email, but if you make changes to the wedding day, give your vendors plenty of notice. This is particularly important for start times and end times. It is also a good idea to let all your vendors know who you hire. Chances are they have worked together. If there are any issues that they need to be worked out such as space or timing, they will be able to work through it before the wedding day. That will make things run more smoothly.

5. Remember your vendors are human beings. If they are working with you for eight or ten hours on the wedding day, provide them with something to eat. This goes a long way to getting extraordinary service. I am not suggesting that you have to feed them the $100.00 dinner your guests are getting (some clients do). Arrange a room close to where your reception is and provide the vendors with a simple meal and non-alcoholic beverages. It will give them a chance to take a quick break and get refreshed.

6. Make payments on time. Your contract will outline when payments are due. Keep in mind again that wedding businesses are typically small businesses. Cash flow can sometimes be tight. Vendors don’t like asking for money. It is such a pleasant surprise to receive timely payment in the mail without asking.

7. Say thank you. All wedding vendors agree that we love to receive tips or gifts, but even just a simple thank you note lets us know that you really appreciate all the effort we put into your big day. Working in weddings is a truly stressful job. We have one shot to make the most important day of your life perfect. A little recognition pushes us forward to continue doing wonderful work.

8. Write thank you letters to the boss. This is something that is even rarer than the traditional thank you note. If you work with a vendor who gives you extraordinary work, letting his boss know is perfect compensation. Some vendors get raises, bonuses and even promotions based on letters like those.

9. Keep lines of communication open. If you are concerned or unhappy about something during the planning process, don’t save it up and get angry about it. Let the vendor know. It is much better to change something during the months prior to the wedding rather than on the very stressful wedding day itself. It is better to address unsatisfactory situations with a cool head rather than when everyone is anxious.

10. Send referrals. The best way to reward a good wedding vendor is to send your family and friends. Word of mouth is the life-blood of any wedding business.

Following some of the tips above can actually benefit you GREATLY. People take care of people who care for them back. Being a great wedding client truly can make a difference.

If you have any comments on tips to working well with wedding vendors, I would love to hear them. Send me a note or post a comment.

I am often asked the best way to keep communication with wedding vendors. Sometimes it seems that we sign the contract and then for months at a time there is no communication. While most wedding vendors agree they do not need a weekly phone call from the couple, they do like to have updates when things change for the wedding.

I have heard wedding vendors tell me that sometimes the week prior to the wedding rolls around and then all of a sudden the bride will call and tell them that the wedding has been moved two hours earlier. Sometimes the vendors find out because they happen to speak to one of the other vendors working at the wedding.

If you want to avoid major stress on your wedding day, be sure to update your vendors as your wedding plans become more concrete. You may want to create a wedding day agenda to send out to everyone the week prior to your wedding as well. It is certainly in your best interest to keep everyone informed.