By Wedding Blog Contributor, Maureen Chapdelaine

By the time Kate walked down the aisle I felt I had earned a Master’s Degree in Wedding Planning. I had transformed from a panicked first time Mother of the Bride to a woman whose mantra was “Bring it on!” I coerced Kate into writing Not My Mother’s Wedding with the goal of helping other Mothers navigate their way through the wedding process and encourage them to relax and enjoy this special time with their daughters.

Our youngest daughter is now engaged and despite my new degree, it appears I am headed back to school.

All brides are unique and her groom and his family add flavor to the mix.

Then there is the reality that the wedding you give your first daughter sets the bar for daughter number two…and three; which brings up the topic of budget…and fathers.

I would like to share an excerpt from Not My Mother’s Wedding on just that topic; the budget. I hope my husband has forgotten this chapter!

The Budget: Only Answer the Question

From the moment an engagement is announced, the banter surrounding the cost of the impending wedding is as commonplace as the gestures of celebration. I always assumed, but we never discussed, that when the girls got married Paul and I would pay for their weddings. There was never any reason for Katie to
think otherwise.

Happy for Katie and Dan, and now playing his new role as Father of the Bride, Paul began his lament of what this wedding is going to cost me with good humor and a sense of pride. Where he came up with his estimated budget, however, I will never know. It was off the charts….and aimed in the wrong direction.

Perhaps that is why, when wedding plans got underway, Katie came to me with the question, “Mom, have you and Dad talked about a budget?” I suppose, like Paul, I could have tossed out a number I thought to be both
reasonable and affordable. But without the details to support that number, I knew the budget would be meaningless. As with locating a reception venue, I found myself backing into a budget, rather than planning with a budget. It is only in hindsight I came to discover that the terms Wedding Budget and Average Wedding Cost are over-used and under-defined.

How was I to foresee in advance the depth and breadth of expenses that are part of planning a traditional wedding? How was I to answer Paul when he would ask,”So, honey, are we still on budget?”

Fortunately for me there was one project management technique I was able to apply to wedding planning. Never lie…But only answer the question.

“Katie’s gown is beautiful. How much?”
Answer: $$$$ (Cost of veil, tiara, broach for dress, undergarments not
included.)

“Does the band play during cocktail hour?”
Answer: Yes (At an additional charge.)

“We have to serve Tanguery & Jack Daniels.”
Answer: No problem. (That is called an upgrade.)

“How many limousines will we need?”
Answer: Two (And one very large party bus.)

“Are you paying for all the bridesmaids to get their hair and makeup done?”
Answer: No, dear. (Just their hair.)
“Are we having a breakfast for the guests the morning after the wedding?”
Answer: No, dear. (Not at this moment, but only because I have not
planned it yet.)

“Is the Bridal Shower this weekend? Was Katie able to book a hotel room for you and Nicole in Boston at a reasonable rate?”
Answer: Yes, dear. (Considering the only room left in the city was a suite
at the Omni Parker complete with in-room exercise equipment, I would say
it was a decent price.)

“I have to tell you, I love your dress.”
Answer: Thanks! (What you are really going to love is the special order
jewelry I have purchased to complement the outfit.)

I can now empathize with the Father of the Bride who says with a shrug, “I just opened my wallet.”

Maureen Chapdelaine is author of The MOB Blog and the creator of the Mother of the Bride Group on Facebook. Maureen is co-author of the wedding book, Not My Mother’s Wedding. If you’re a MOB and you have a wedding planning question for Maureen, leave a comment below here at the wedding blog and she’ll answer it in an upcoming post!